* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Computer Humor Distribution #28 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * NOTE: You are on this mailing list because you subscribed via ListBot. To remove yourself from this list or change your email address, you must do so via ListBot (http://www.listbot.com/cgi-bin/subscriber). * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * What is the "Computer Humor Distribution?" MISinformation has been presenting "original" computer humor since 1986. That original material is slowly being migrated from print (newsletters) to our web page. The "Computer Humor Distribution," (this mailing) on the other hand, is not original at all, it's a collection of the latest computer-related humor circulating on the net. Some of it you may have seen, some you may not. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * We pay for computer humor... (details at the end of this note) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Readers in the know understand the answer to the eternal question is "42" But for the rest of you we present an oldie but a mediocrity... * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * "Is it better to be a Jock or a Nerd? Consider the following: Michael Jordan made over $300,000 a game. That equaled $10,000 a minute, at an average of 30 minutes per game. With $40 million in endorsements, he made $178,100 a day, working or not. If he slept 7 hours a night, he made $52,000 while visions of sugarplums danced in his head. If he went to see a movie, it would cost him $7.00, but he would make $18,550 while he was there. If he decided to have a 5-minute egg, he would make $618 while boiling it. He would make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends. If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) ... it would take him a whole 12 hours. He would make about $19,600 while watching the 100-meter dash in the Olympics. He would probably pay about $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round. While the common person is spending $20 for a meal in Jordan's trendy Chicago restaurant, Jordan will pull-in about $5,600. Assuming he put the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account (401k), he would have hit the federal cap of $9,500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st of each year. If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second. If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you would be living comfortably at $65,000 a year. In his last year, he made more than twice as much as all U.S. past presidents for all of their terms combined ... However, if Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 250 years, he'll still have less money than Bill Gates has today. Game over. Nerd wins. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * We read the crappy ones so you don't have to. The best 4 of 10: Top 10 Reasons To Go To Work Naked... * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your butt in here by 8 AM!" 2. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants." 3. You want to see if it's like the dream. 4. No one steals your chair. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Don't Try This on Your PC... :-) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * You'll appreciate the "Bored Meeting" which you can download from the MISinformation site: members.aol.com/misinfo/bored.zip and if you've ever sat-in on a video conference and thought there were better things to do, DL members.aol.com/misinfo/vidconf.zip and you'll see there are! * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * The ListBot is moving... * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Yep, your free MISinformation eNewsletter is moving to another ListBot so don't be surprised when you see another notice to resubscribe. That wasn't funny, we know, but for taking the time to read that bit of administratia we're comping you with a free photo (not quite Sears Photo Studio quality, though) at http://www.monitorcamera.com/ Check it out! * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Web site that worth a click: * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Three sites for the price of none this time: What's your boss make for taking all those tough golf-course meetings? Find out at http://www.aflcio.org/cgi-bin/aflcio.pl And speaking of the big enchilada's compensation ... compare how your salary has increased compared to theirs at http://www.aflcio.org/paywatch/ceou_compare.htm Ahhh, but it would be unfair to leave you feeling even worse at your job than you already do. If you think your job stinks, you should see what these guys do for a living ... compiled by http://www.worksnotfun.com/ * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Finally, an oldie but a goodie: The Programmer's Drinking Song * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 100 little bugs in the code, 100 bugs in the code, Fix one bug, compile it again, 101 little bugs in the code. 101 little bugs in the code ... (Repeat until BUGS = 0) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Seen a funny or odd web site or computer-related app? Tell us about it. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * For more computer humor, visit our web page at: http://members.aol.com/misinfo * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * We pay for computer humor... Got a funny computer joke or story? Seen a funny web site? Tell us about it and we'll pay you ... we'll pay you a nice complement... Really, share it with us and we'll share it with other computer users. Just go to our web site http://members.aol.com/misinfo and follow the link to "Share a joke or comment." Then add your 2 cents to our web page. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Past issues of the MISinformation Computer Humor Distribution can be found at http://members.aol.com/misinfo/cheap.htm * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Have a nice day :-) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * All material presented here is: Copyright 2001 Chris Miksanek and MISinformation * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *