* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Computer Humor Distribution #20 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * NOTE: You are on this mailing list because either you expressed an interest in computer humor or you were included on a distribution list of a humorous item that was sent to us. If you want to be removed from this list send an email telling us so. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * We pay for computer humor... (details at the end of this note) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * A bad random number generator: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 4.33e+67, 1, 1, 1 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * A MISinformation reader sent the following gem, with the comment "My boss actually sent this to me the *day* of my review. Coincidence?" THE FOLLOWING IS AN APPRAISAL WRITTEN BY A PROJECT LEADER AND SENT TO MANAGEMENT: Joe Programmer, my assistant programmer, can always be found hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be sent away as soon as possible. Project Leader THE FOLLOWING MEMO WAS SENT IMMEDIATELY AFTER: That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read every second line (i.e.. 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, ..) for my true assessment of him. Regards, Derek Crabb Project Leader * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * We're compiling a list of "antique humor," jokes which were funny twenty years ago, but today are anachronisms. Here are two we laughed at back before ISPs, when our computers communicated via BBSs: 1) cchheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh.. 2) Backups? We don't *NEED* no steenking baX%^~,VbKx NO CARRIER * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Q: Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up? A: Because DEC 25 = OCT 31 Q: How do you tell an extroverted programmer? A: He looks at *your* shoes when he talks to you. Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Modem: How a Southerner asks for seconds. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Think electronic publishing will replace paper? In the words of Effram Zumatto, "The dream of a paperless society can never be realized until there is a way to do the New York Times crossword puzzle in the men's room." If you want to laugh some more at electronic publishing: http://www.datamation.com/PlugIn/humor/humor.html * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * For more computer humor, visit our web page at: http://members.aol.com/misinfo For information on subscribing to the print version, visit the web site or email: misinfo@aol.com * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * We pay for computer humor... Got a funny computer joke or story? Seen a funny web site? Tell us about it and we'll pay you... we'll pay you a nice complement... Really, share it with us and we'll share it with other computer users. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Have a nice day :-) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * All material presented here is: Copyright 1998 Chris Miksanek and MISinformation * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *