Manufacturers Meet to Decide Fate of Pinheads
Dot Matrix Printers: Anachronisms Or Just Out Of Date?
BUGTUSSLE. They came from near and far (mostly far, though) to this sleepy Tennessee town to discuss the future of the computer printer industry. Giants in the field -Epson, Panasonic and NEC, to name just three-gathered here in a closed door conference to decide the fate of the dot matrix printer.  

The first dot matrix printers were revered, now they're just a second choice for most people. "We just use it for drafts," one conference attendee confided, reflecting the general tone of all the attendees, "and when was the last time we had a draft, 1974? That gives you an idea of how often we use them."  

Like most conferences, this one was dull and uneventful...until Buddy Epson hit the stage.  

"We brought him out of retirement to promote our newest line of LQ printers," an Epson spokesman said during a break, choking down a hotdog. "We figured it was a solid way to promote our new theme: 'Sure they're old, but they still perform.'" But theme or no theme, Buddy got the conference excited with his Tennessee Carriage Return Promenade, a step the hoofer specially choreographed for the conference.  

"I have a computer back t'home," Epson quipped. "It's a Sinclair Z-80, but hell, it still works. And I have one of those printers that prints on a strip of adding machine paper. It does the job; and really that's all we're here to say. We want to get our message to the ribbon manufacturers. We want them to 'JUST SAY NO' to toner."  

"There is still a considerable market for dot matrix printers," Epson remarked. "They're used extensively for cash register receipts, hotel itemized bills, and McDonald's grill slips."  

In Epson's latest movie, 'Beverly Hillbilly Cop' with Eddie Murphy, he and the Detroit cop are pitted against a super computer gone bad. When asked if he thought the dot matrix printer had a place in that environment, Epson remarked, "I reckon' so."  

Later in the afternoon, before a crowd of mostly DP history buffs, or 'Boolers' as they're called, Epson recalled the dot matrix printer's early years. "The dot matrix printer actually made the PC concept possible. You have to remember there was a time when it wasn't considered practical to have an IBM 1403 or 3211 on your desk. Without such an output device, you wouldn't have the Macintosh or IBM personal computers you have today."  

Epson made the rounds, personally spinning yarns with all the attendees. "He gave everyone a new perspective on the little pin-head workhorse," an HP rep said, "I'm going right out and trading-down my LaserJet II for a Panasonic KX-P1091i." A Panasonic representative was on hand to complete the transaction. "I'm glad Buddy's on our side," The Panasonic rep said.  

Buddy led the sledge hammer bashing of the token laser printer, a Qume ScripTEN, and closed the conference with an announcement that the get-together would be an annual event and told the roaring crowd, "Ya'll come back now, y'hear!"
 

Bells & Whistles
PALO ALTO. With his latest unveiling, the NeXT computer, barely out of the gate, Steven Jobs, announced plans for the computer of the late 1990's. Jobs revealed he will call his newest development, "THE ONe AFTeR THAT."  

ABU ZABY. Sheik Ali-Ali Akshenfri, was signed to a three-year contract to promote an ailing operating system. In a preview of one of the new television commercials, Akshenfri confides to the audience that the only operating system he would trust in his harem is Unix.  

ATLANTA. Last month Georgia Tech announced that prospective students could apply to their institution on-line. Not to be outdone, the new Barbazon School of Neurosurgery here announced that it would also accept applications on-line. A spokesman for Barbazon said "we have been losing many qualified students to Georgia Tech, and we'll do whatever we feel is necessary to stay on the cutting edge."  

Georgia Tech announced a new graduate program in bartending. A spokesman for the school had no comment.  

Egghead Sets Retail Strategy
Will Market "Everything The Computer Aficionado Could Ever Need."
CHICAGO. Last month, Egghead Discount Software announced a deal with Sears whereby Egghead would test market eight new outlets in selected Sears retails stores.  

This week a Sears spokesman announced the other part of that deal--Sears will open eight new outlets in selected Egghead stores.  

"We plan to showcase our line of fine Kenmore and Craftsman products," the Sears spokesman commented, "as well as our Cheryl Tiegs line of clothing. We're appealing to the impulse buyer, the guy who will go into Egghead for a box of diskettes and come out with a trash compactor."  

An Egghead spokesman had no comment except that he "would be checking contracts a little more thoroughly in the future."