Chris Miksanek: What if there were video games like these?

By
Chris Miksanek

2006 Chris Miksanek

 

 

 

This is one of my favorite ones..

It was published in the December 6th 2006 issue of the Minneapolis - St. Paul Star Tribune.

 
 
 

Chris Miksanek: What if there were video games like these?
 


 

 

 

Chris Miksanek: What if there were video games like these?

If the recent violence we've seen in crowds awaiting the release of the newest video game consoles is the consequence of a generation of game play, then, perhaps it's time for more positive influences. Here are some refinements on popular titles that might make help this world -- as opposed to, say, ice planet Hoth -- a better place:

Chris Miksanek

If the recent violence we've seen in crowds awaiting the release of the newest video game consoles is the consequence of a generation of game play, then, perhaps it's time for more positive influences. Here are some refinements on popular titles that might make help this world -- as opposed to, say, ice planet Hoth -- a better place:

Sensible-Eating Pac-Man. Eat every other dot. Fruit bonuses are replaced with vegetables. Extra cardio points for taking the long way around the maze to burn calories.

Tony Hawk's Lawn Mowing. Kids express their athletic prowess not by executing a sweet "ollie" over seniors out for a stroll, but by navigating a manual push-mower around the yard gnomes, pink flamingos and lost uppers of an elderly neighbor.

501(c)(3) Tycoon. Sim-type entertainment that teaches kids how to develop a successful nonprofit organization. How well they do ultimately depends on the delicate balance between bankrolling grant writers and schmoozing donors vs. actually providing social services. Advanced levels challenge them to create PACs and qualify as a 527 group for broader influence.

Crosswalking Frogger. Cross the street only at the intersection. Use a personal flotation device when near the log-filled river for 4x bonus.

Bland Theft Auto: Mayberry. With Barney in a fast and furious 15-mile-per-hour pursuit, Goober must get Helen Crump's Pontiac from Wally's Filling Station to Andy's house without soiling its fine birthday car wash. Learn swell lessons and earn points towards unlocking the Mount Pilot level by respecting all traffic controls and completing tasks like: beeping the horn in front of Floyd's Barber Shop precisely when he looks up from his newspaper, stopping to help Aunt Bee with the groceries and agreeing to be Otis' AA sponsor.

 

Chris Miksanek was a writer for the popular computer and video game "You Don't Know Jack!"


All material presented here is Copyright 2006 Chris Miksanek
Last updated: December 6, 2006